Episode 88: Becoming a Boundary Boss with Terri Cole
“My definition of high functioning codependency is being overly invested in the feeling states, the decisions, the outcomes, the circumstance of the people in our lives to the detriment to our internal peace or our physical, financial, spiritual well being.”
-Terri Cole, The Everything Belongs Podcast
Today on the Everything Belongs Podcast, Madison is in conversation with Terri Cole. Terri is a licensed psychotherapist, global relationship and empowerment expert, and the author of Boundary Boss-The Essential Guide to Talk True, Be Seen and (Finally) Live Free. For over two decades, Terri has worked with a diverse group of clients that includes everyone from stay-at-home moms to celebrities and Fortune 500 CEOs. She has a gift for making complex psychological concepts accessible and actionable so that clients and students achieve sustainable change. She inspires over 450,000 people weekly through her blog, social media platform, signature courses, and her popular podcast, The Terri Cole Show. In this episode, Madison and Terri speak on all things boundaries, codependency, our tendency to auto-accommodate with those around us, what avoiding conflict really offers us, how to deal with common boundary situations and so much more!
Download Terri’s free gift for Everything Belongs Listeners: https://boundaryboss.me/everythingbelongs
Listen -
In this episode, we talk about:
Are you codependent? What to consider if you’re a people-pleaser or over-functioner.
Terri's story of becoming a psychotherapist, who uses her platform to address the codependency epidemic
High/Over-Functioning codependency and how it differs from the "traditional" stereotype
Checking your sense urgency & compulsion to help
Auto-accommodating as a way to avoid ourselves and our pain
Disordered boundaries, not setting limits and bidding for control
The "change-back" moves people use to pull you back into the codependency dance
The nuances of preferences, limits and deal-breakers
Internal boundaries versus external boundaries
How our desire to avoid conflict drives us to avoid boundary setting
Transforming helping & accommodating from an auto-response to a sovereign choice
Speaking true, being loving and dealing with passive-aggressiveness
Mattering to yourself more than anything else
Difference between being nice or being fake nice
Dealing with boundary bullies, repeat offenders and boundary destroyers
