I am not your mother.
Disappointed in a femme mentor, coach, therapist, friend, influencer, etc because they can’t give you what you wish you could give yourself?
{Listen to this journal entry here or keep reading…}
Disappointed in a femme mentor, coach, therapist, friend, influencer, etc because they can’t give you what you wish you could give yourself?
When I had no boundaries and a disconnect from my own power, I felt so much shame when someone set a boundary with me. I took it as a personal rejection or judged their "lack of openness."
When someone had a point of difference, I felt it as a threat to my belonging. I experienced sameness as safety. All of this was a result of my early and cultural programming.
Those of us who received programming that women and femmes need to *constantly give* for free no matter their personal boundaries, capacity or personal lives not only do this to ourselves, but we expect it from others.
The exact programing we want to be free from, we demand from other women and femmes.
This programming asks that women & femmes in leadership become our emotional mothers where our own mothers could not meet our needs, it asks that they model boundaries perfectly (but actually lack boundaries when we have asks or wants). This very programming makes us angry/bitter from having to constantly perform niceness when other people take from us and drain us, yet teaches us do this to others.
This very programming makes us angry/bitter from having to constantly perform niceness when other people take from us and drain us, yet teaches us do this to others. It's dehumanizing for everyone involved.
As a facilitator, I find this a challenging line to walk. To see someone's story of their own lack of belonging/powerlessness, to have compassion but not accept the pedestal or engage in the savior dynamic... even (and especially) when someone else is committed to making me their savior.
The chronic over giving and entitlement that *someone else* create the conditions of belonging, safety and space for us (regardless if that person has capacity to do so) is the exact patriarchal programming I am no longer participating in.
Of course I want people to have access to the support they need. I want people to feel safe, AND when that support is my (or another person’s) constant time, energy and attention to insure someone else’s happiness, transformation and belonging... there might be some internalized damsel in distress programming that needs to be healed.
The exact programing we want to be free from, we demand from other women and femmes.
I am no one’s Savior.
I am not a performer on a stage here to give anyone an experience for their spiritual entertainment.
I am no one‘s mother (and definitely not a perfect one).
I am not the door greeter at church here to offer some fabricated and fake version of belonging.
I am a person-- Not above or below anyone. I belong to and with myself. I am mothering myself.
I am healing this programming so I can be free to relate without this false programming telling me I need anyone or anything to be different before I can be free, whole and worthy.
And you, YOU are so worthy, powerful, whole and sovereign. You have always belonged.
You never needed a savior.
My deep care and my own sovereignty asks me to anchor into emotional maturity and hand it back.
