The Big Book of AA states that our True Essence is Happy, Joyful and Free– and reiterates that the way to get there is by, oddly enough, taking responsibility.

It might sound counterintuitive that by feeling more freedom, power and choice– in essence, by taking responsibility for your energies, that you’ll feel more levity, joy and ease… but I know this to be true.

The Big Book says–

We are sure God wants us to be happy, joyous, and free. We cannot subscribe to the belief that this life is a vale of tears, though it once was just that for many of us. But it is clear that we made our own misery. God didn't do it. Avoid then, the deliberate manufacture of misery, but if trouble comes, cheerfully capitalize it as an opportunity…
ALCOHOLICS ANONYMOUS, p. 133

What I love so dearly about this text is that it names the deliberate manufacturing of misery. In my life, when I am not taking responsibility for my life, when I forget my sovereignty, my power and don’t grow my own capacity to live out my integrity, when I move from habitual thoughts and old programming– I manufacture MUCH more misery for myself.

When I see life “lifing” as no one’s fault, but rather an opportunity to surrender to reality and then make a conscious choice to move in the way of my integrity, I am much, much happier because to put it simply, I am not resisting reality and going against the flow of life.

No, we may not be able to control life “life-ing,” but we can certainly drop the habits, stories and compensation patterns that keep us from the happy, joyful and free state that I believe is our Essential Nature.

I don’t know about you but I could use some ease and joy in my life at the moment– and from what I’m hearing from each of you as you respond to my newsletters is that you could too.

So, here are the 10 things to STOP doing if you want to feel more JOY

Stop the guilt of being 'selfish' and start meeting your needs unabashedly.
Stop living your life catering to the projections of others and wearing masks based on what others want from you.
Stop suppressing your emotions and start feeling your body.
Stop trying to be perfect.
Stop trying to win the approval of people you dont like.
Stop doing shit you dread.
Stop denying the truth.
Stop trying to control everything. Especially yourself.
Stop over-explaining yourself.
Stop pretziling yourself and playing small.

Let’s dive into these more deeply, shall we!?

1- Shed the guilt of being “selfish” and just let yourself meet your needs unabashedly. So what if others think you’re selfish… this is your life after all, and those projections aren’t your business.

I can’t tell you how often I hear my clients say they are afraid of being selfish… SO WHAT if you are a little selfish.
What do you think causes more relational trouble, being a little selfish in regards to meeting your needs, or letting your needs go unmet, building resentments, being fatigued and exhausting yourself so you eventually snap? – I think we both know front-loading your life with nourishment and “selfish” care may be what you need to have the capacity to think about others and give to them from a sincere overflow.
Generosity isn’t generous if it’s obligatory, ya know?
Plus– living our lives catering to the projections of others means we will probably just become the parts of themselves THEY hate the most– because that’s usually what projections are. ;
Projection is something incomplete in the other person, and when they are projected on you, you’re simply the mirror holding that up to them. Chances are, if they are calling you selfish, they may have some selfishness they need to claim and own in themselves.

2- Slough off the masks, personas and pretenses that keep you from being seen and known… the ones you thought you had to wear to be successful.

What are the masks, personas and pretenses if not adaptive strategies, or compensation patterns– they are NOT your Essence, they mask your Essence.
Another way to say it is, your Ego isn’t YOU - it’s masquerading as you, it’s trying to protect you, and it has internalized a LOT of ideas about what it means to be accepted, successful, etc.
Over time, you’ll feel safer and safer to shed these personas, and let your true self be seen.
If you want a glimpse of this– try simply getting present, putting your hand to your heart. There is a still place within all of us that holds our Essential nature– a part of us untouched by trauma and conditioning– a part of us already free.
You can slough off the masks one breath at a time, simply by getting present and honoring this still place within.

3- Stop overriding your body’s wisdom, which as you know only leads to burnout, resentment and all kinds of dis-ease.

Speaking of getting present - what is your body asking for?
A yawn? A stretch? A walk? A glass of water?
If you feel the need to pee, go do that.
If you feel tired, try resting for just 5 minutes. These micro-ways of self-honoring go a long way.

4- Let go of the need to “get it all right” and perfect yourself before you show up to be of service.

Yikes– how many of us have a preconceived idea that to be a healer, to be a helper, to have something of value to share with the world, that you have to completely perfect yourself and heal from all your wounds??
How is that working for you!?
It hasn’t worked for me, that’s for sure. It’s one thing to be in-integrity with your work, and to be perpetually realigning yourself with your values. It’s another thing to believe you must perform perfection in order to be of service.
The belief that you must sanctify yourself into pure perfection is rooted in puritanical ideals, love. We actually help one another much more by admitting and allowing our humanity, while continually living towards our aim.
I’m not perfect, and neither are you. What if we just stopped trying to get it all right and instead strived to be in sincere service, humanity and all??

5- Stop outsourcing your belonging to people you don’t even like.

AHHH I cant even tell you how much this hurts my feelings.
As a person with a history of fawning, I spent so much time moving towards folks I didn’t even like or feel safe with to earn their love and approval.
It took me so many years of unwinding this pattern to realize I didnt want to belong in spaces I clung my way into– what would it look like if you simply stopped relying on the approval of people you don’t even approve of??

6- Stop feeling so much dread and align your commitments to your calendar, your clients, your relationships to your truth, not “shoulds.”

Whatever you’re dreading this week, if it’s something you can opt-out of, do it right now.
Dread is a sign you’re moving from obligation, not liberation.
Should’s are a sign you’re regarding other people’s wants and needs more than your own sovereignty.
You have the power to choose something else right now. Do it!

7- Stop denying the Truth.

The Truth of what you want. The truth of what’s happening. Of who you are. Of your sensitive heart. Of who you love. Of the life you really want.
Everything will re-organize around the Truth and become much, much simpler.
Hayley Carr says “the truth speeds up the inevitable” and I enjoy adding that The only thing that truly crumbles when you choose yourself, or tell the truth, is that which was never sustainable in the first place.
Each day for the last year and a half I have prayed a prayer of truth while sitting for tea, and when I tell you my life has changed for the better, I fucking mean it!!

8- Stop trying to control everything. Especially yourself.

In doing so, you’ll unzip yourself from the tight corset of expectations, anxieties and perfectionism that actually zaps your creative flow and cuts you off from genuine connections.
Ohhh do you feel the exhale now?
What if all the expectations you have for yourself are actually internalized programming?
What if the way you THINK you must be to receive love, the things you think you must do to be successful, the things you think you must have to be secure and safe… what if they are in fact just ideas?
I love playing with my internalized ideas of how things “must” be, because if I look to others I often find proof of a different reality.
Often, all our conditions for love, safety, wealth, success… they are things we decided long ago. They deserve to be questioned so you can choose an easier, more true and free option.

9- Stop over-explaining and proving yourself to people. Imagine the energy saved.

IMAGINE!!! Try this– just stop explaining your choices for the next week, see what happens.
Say what you mean, period.

10- Stop pretziling yourself and playing small.

Release the tension in your jaw and belly from all those years of making yourself small. Loosen up that tight grip of control that once kept you safe.
In doing so, you’ll soften into the fullness of yourself (because it’s safe now to do so) and gladly throw out that which is honestly just too small for you.
So try it– stop clenching your jaw right now.
Stop clinging, just 1%, right now.

Like I said at the top, Happy, Joyful and Free are not only your birthright, they are qualities of your True Essence– the part of you deep within your Sacred Heart.

Everything I named here is a way to peel pack the layers of protection and programming so you can open your heart, open to the present and open to the truth of who you really are.

Remembering this truth, and practicing it may be a lifelong journey, but it’s one worth taking.

These 10 things all support you to return to the truth of who you really are: happy, joyful and free.

So love, if you feel especially in need of support as you reclaim your joy, please join me in the 5-part email series, Alive Again.

Delivered every 5 days starting 4/26 to your inbox, I’ll be covering simple, actionable and spiritual insights to support you in shifting from stagnancy and overwhelm (signs you’re at capacity, feeling like a curmudgeon and incongruent with your Soul) and alchemize it all into the simple wisdom of wonder and willingness.

If you’re into it, join me by submitting your RSVP at madisonmorrigan.com/alive-again

As my Grandmother Rose would say, I’ll talk at ya later.

xo, Madison